Getting to Know the Girl Behind the Mask

She's the girl who spends the majority of her school days in the principal's office or detention, if she even goes at all.  The girl who threatens to fight anyone that gets in her way or gives her a wrong look.  She's never afraid to let her opinion be heard, and if she doesn't want to do something, she won't.  She's the one the other high school girls whisper about behind her back, calling her names that could just as easily be their own label.  Her after school curricular is smoking weed in her trailer park.  She spends most of her time hanging out with the wrong people and chasing after the guys that are too old for her and going nowhere.  She's the girl who hides behind her make up and clothes, because she's too afraid she won't be accepted as she is. She doesn't have dreams.  Her only dream is getting out of that trailer park.  She's cold, and she's hard to get to know.  But I know her.

Her name is Desarae, but I just call her Desi.  Or Desidoodle if I'm making fun of her elementary school nickname.  She's a freshman in the high school I went to, but I met her when she was in 5th grade.  I was a small group leader at my church for 5th and 6th grade girls, and Desi was one of the girls in my group.  She was an elementary school version of herself that I described when I first met her.  She was bitter and showed no emotion.  Her and her friends walked to my church from the trailer park because they heard there was going to be free food there.  But lucky for me, they kept coming back after that first night.  And week after week, I got to know the real Desi.

 I found out that she's the girl whose dad left her for drugs and alcohol.  She's the girl who's been sexually abused by people she thought she could trust.  She's the girl who has watched her mom and big sister make awful decisions when it comes to boys and pretty much everything else.  She's the girl who's had almost every reason to give up, but hasn't.  Instead, she's built a wall.  She doesn't let people in because she's afraid they can't be trusted or will automatically judge her.  She cries out for attention because she doesn't receive it from anyone.  Negative attention is better than no attention.  She's seen things that no little girl or grown man should ever have to see.  She gives up on herself over and over, but it never really takes much to get her going again.  So what does someone like Desi need to spark belief in herself time after time?  Someone that believes in her unconditionally.  I try to be this person for Desi, and I'll admit, sometimes I fall short.  Sometimes I wish I could be more for her, because she's done so much for me.  She's taught me more about strength than I've ever known.  I know it's super cliche, but I've learned not to judge a book by its cover.

All I had to do was take the time to get to know Desi.  I know so much more than what's on the surface.  I see what other people see on the outside, but I know what's going on in the inside and why she is the way she is. Desi is truly one of the greatest people I know, even though she doesn't see her greatness at all.  She's the girl with the huge heart, willing to help anyone, when she's the one who needs the help just as badly.  She's the girl who wants to dream.  She dreams of being something different than her family.  She's the girl who has a contagious laugh.  She's the girl that's changed who I am today.

So what's the big picture?  It's getting to know other peoples' stories.  Understanding what makes everyone tick.  The power of that is so underestimated.  Every person has a story.  Some hide theirs better than others.  Some are willing to tell it, some guard it with their life.  And some are begging for you to figure it out.  And what I now know thanks to Desi, is that sometimes these peoples' stories can become a huge part of your own story.